Reasons To Be Excited For NYU President-Elect Andrew Hamilton


  • Only 62-years-old, he has the youthful energy needed to really reinvigorate the NYU administration.

• Has a lot of money but could probably use more.

• As the former Provost of Yale, he can help us figure out what a Provost is.

• Will likely carry on time-honored tradition of exploiting graduate student workers.

• Knows the words to every song by punk rock band The Offspring.

• The new President being a rich white guy with an entrepreneurial spirit means students won’t have to deal with the burden of societal norms being challenged on top of midterms and everything.

• Discovered the molecular structure of a Cheeto®.

• Is a nice, normal guy students could see themselves giving a boatload of money to.

• Has that thing where there’s hair on the sides of his head but not on top and it’s hard to explain, but there’s something kind of cute about it.

• Isn’t obsessed with Ivy League prestige like Sexton, just obsessed with fancy, British university-like prestige.

• Name is an anagram of the phrase “Ham and toner wil,” as in “Ham and toner will make you sick if you eat them together,” which is pretty good advice.

• Promises slightly fewer improvised hour-long self-indulgent speeches.

• Probably prefers cricket to baseball, which maybe means nothing, but maybe means something. We don’t know yet.

• Already has an incredible understanding of NYU’s strongest principles, so he won’t have to go through that whole moral dilemma thing when he has to do something extremely unethical on his first day.